I’m stupid. I’m worthless. I’ll never be good enough.
I’m not here to tell you that you’re smart, or worth it, or even that you already are good enough because let’s face it. There’s so many people out there who have already told you that and you don’t believe it. What I am here to tell you is that YOU have to tell yourself all these things. Self love is the hardest damn step to your recovery, but once you stop BEATING yourself up and start BUILDING yourself up, then you’ll start to realize that YOU ARE WORTHY. I’ve learned that it’s not where I have been, but where I’m going to that matters. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve sliced your skin, or how many panic attacks you’ve had. None of that matters anymore. What your problem is, what my problem is, is that we live in the past. We dwell on how many mistakes we’ve made and we hurt ourselves for our “stupidity” when we’re only human. You really think perfection exists? Get real. That nobody else has made the same mistakes as you have? Exactly where you are right now, someone else has stood. What you feel right now, someone else has felt it. My point is, put your middle finger in the air and free yourself. You are a bird who has spent enough time in their cage and deserve to spread their wings and fly.
I get it though, it’s not that simple, right? No, it’s not. You don’t just wake up one day, jump out of bed and free yourself from your chains. If it were that easy then maybe people could be saved before committing suicide. If it were that easy, I would’ve saved myself a long time ago. It’s a process though. That’s the best way that I can explain it. You’re just a seed in the ground right now. You have to water yourself, give yourself a good amount of sunshine which means you have to live. Leave your room and do something you’ve always wanted to do. Go some place you’ve always wanted to go. Give yourself time – all the time you need. Maybe that’s all we need. Faith, hope, and time. Faith that everything will work out as planned. Faith in our growth and in our journey. Hope for better days and pure strength. Someone once told me, the only thing stronger than fear is hope. So stock up on your hope and give yourself the time to travel to the top of this mountain. Eventually, someday, you will make it. Someday you will get out of bed, loving yourself. You will go to bed, loving yourself and you’ll finally let go of that past. Let go of that hurt. You’ll build yourself anew and it’ll be the best damn thing you have ever done. Just give yourself the time.