So you’re at a point in your recovery where it isn’t going very well. We all deal with this part during recovery, so don’t feel like a failure just because your recovery is going shitty. During this point you may find yourself wanting to crawl back to that razor, or find yourself wanting to down a bottle of pills, or wanting to get shitfaced drunk again because you’re beginning to crave it, or you feel the pain creeping back up on you, so you fall back into your addiction. But don’t let a relapse cause you to think you’re a failure and that you’re never going to get better. If you don’t try recovery, you won’t ever achieve it. Recovery is something you have to want. If you don’t want it, then you won’t get it. It’s simple logic. Recovery is also something that takes a lot of time. You can’t just wake up one day fully recovered. I think if that were possible, it wouldn’t be hell to recover from your addictions and/or mental illness. And I think if it were possible to just jump out of bed one day and be completely recovered, many of us wouldn’t still be trudging along on our paths trying to recover.
Everyday, we come across things that test our recovery, shit happens to us that makes us want to go running back to our comfort zone — the arms of our lovely addictions/mental illnesses. But to have the strength to resist falling back into the arms of your addiction or illness is true recovery. When you can resist the voices calling you to come back to the “comforting” arms of your illness/addiction, that is when you’ll know you’ve been successful at recovery. However, you should be aware that when you’ve struggled with a mental illness/addiction in the past, it will haunt you and it’ll be something you’ll have to combat your entire life. You don’t just forget what you went through once you’re recovered.
So, to tie the knot on this post, as Winston Churchill said it, “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”