“Recovery feels like shit. It didn’t feel like I was doing something good; it felt like I was giving up. It feels like having to learn how to walk all over again.” ~ Portia de Rossi
I agree with this quote from Portia de Rossi 100% because she’s right, recovery does feel like shit. Recovery only feels like shit though because you’re trying to retrain yourself to react differently to situations. For example, if you’re a cutter, and something bad happens, you immediately feel like cutting. Well, recovery is retraining your brain not to respond that way and use positive ways of getting your feelings out when something bad happens to you. Sometimes though, recovery feels shitty because you got used to responding a certain way to situations and that way felt comforting. It was comforting because it made you feel GOOD. But truthfully, it wasn’t really helping you, it was just tricking your braining into thinking it was helping you. Whatever you’re recovering from, whether it be an alcohol, drug, cutting, or even a food addiction, recovery WILL feel shitty at first. But it’s for the best.
The part of the quote where it says, “It didn’t feel like I was doing something good; it felt like I was giving up.” At first, recovery does feel like that because your mind doesn’t believe that you’re actually doing something good; your mind actually makes you believe that you’re giving up because you’re ending the war within yourself. However, this is not true. Recovery IS a good thing, don’t let your mind trick you into believing those lies, and by going into recovery, YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP. Giving up means NOT getting better. Giving up means killing yourself. If you get better and continue living, you’ve won, meaning you haven’t given up.
The last part of that quote where Portia uses a simile to compare learning to walk again and recovery is right on, in my opinion. Recovery is basically learning how to walk again because, like I mentioned above, you have to retrain yourself, on pretty much everything. Your thinking, the ways you respond to things, how you live your life… During recovery, you learn how to cope with things and your emotions. And you have to train yourself to continue doing this whenever you run into a situation that triggers your addiction or bad emotions. Recovery takes time because it’s a lot of work. Recovery is not easy, no one ever said it was, but if you take little steps everyday, you’ll eventually get there. 🙂