My name is Ruthann, when I was fifteen I started to lose my motivation to continue living. Shortly after, I was diagnosed with mild depression and insomnia. Oh joy. From that day on, I have heard “You’ll get over it” or “It’s because of your hormones”.
For years I struggled with my emotions, thinking that I could just hide my feelings and get over myself. Until one day, while working in the woods of Jackson, Mississippi, I felt the urge to end my own life. The people I was working with became concerned, and had me checked into St Dominic’s Behavioral Health Center in downtown Jackson.
While I was there, I learned several useful tips and thoughts:
You control your thoughts
Keep a journal
Talk freely with those around you
No one has ever made you mad, you just reacted that way
This past September, i admitted myself to St Luke’s Behavioral Health Center. I had been on a med for several years, and I had tried to kill myself more than once in the past three months. I did not feel safe around myself. Some good advice: Don’t ignore your gut feelings of wanting to get help
I had my good friend Jacob to help me through. (Everyone deserves a person like him in their lives). With someone to talk to that understood my hurt, I recovered quickly from my horrible thoughts. During my stay, the doctors reclassified my as having Major Depression with suicidal ideologies.
Recently, I have realised that I am not defined by my depression. I am not just some suicidal girl. Everything can be overcome with positive, educated thinking. Even during the hard times. Every time I “break down” it becomes easier to come back with positive thinking and telling myself the thoughts are wrong.
Please, join me on my journey to recovery as I discover how to stay out of my head. Maybe we can get through this together. With a little help, anything is possible.