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We Determine Happiness, Just As We Determine What To Eat

We Determine Happiness, Just As We Determine What To Eat

It’s very simple! Just as we determine what we want to eat, we also have power and control over when we want to be happy. I’ve learned this over the last few weeks when I started accepting that life sucks and I was dealt this awful hand in life, with a mental illness. But you know what I discovered? I have control over this illness and I also have control over if I allow it to bring me down, or allow it to change my outlook. Look, I get and understand how difficult it is to bring yourself to an idea such as mine. I get it. But not trying and just continuing to head down a path of self-destruction, well, that isn’t a path to take. Get it out. Get loud. Get angry. Be pissed off. Let those emotions out and you’ll find clarity at the end of the horrible tunnel, the tunnel that I myself was trapped in for quite some time. Just know that you’re not alone and that you can make it through this. You just have to believe in your strength, and allow yourself the power to be happy, and feel great about yourself. Trust me, it won’t be easy, but it’s recovery, and if I’ve learned anything about recovery, it’s this: Recovery Is Possible! Not every day is going to be happy, so don’t get discouraged and let down, just because of one sour thought or person or day. The battle against your thoughts and your mind is a battle that you were born to win. So accept that there’s something wrong, accept that life sucks and accept that you’ll have to fight like hell just to be happy. Once you accept it, once you finally tell yourself that you have the power to alter your thoughts, and override your own mind, well, that’s when you can finally be happy. So get the help you need, reach out to the people you trust, and tell yourself EVERY DAY, “I’m Possible”.

 
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Posted by on May 5, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Mental Illness Stigma


The negative stigma of mental illness is really concerning since so many people struggle with a mental illness of some sort. People need to wake up about this and quit blowing off mental illness like it’s nothing to worry about. I have come across so many people who just don’t understand how difficult it is to live and deal with a mental illness every single day. I just don’t get how people can tell someone with a mental illness that they’re just looking for “attention” or to just “get over it.” Would you tell someone who has cancer to stop looking for “attention” and to just “get over it?” No, you probably wouldn’t because you would be considered a cold-hearted uncaring bastard. I don’t know how it should be any different with someone who is suffering from a mental illness. People are killing themselves due to so many people misunderstanding their problems. People who want to just call those with mental disorders “whiny” or “crybabies” are the cause of this. This is on YOU. If you tell someone they are just being whiny or to stop attention-seeking or to just get over it, and the person kills themselves because they feel like they don’t belong in a world where they are constantly misunderstood, then I hope you’re content with being responsible for that. It disgusts me that people can deliberately do this knowing it will upset the person even further, and could even push the person over the edge. The person’s body may not be physically sick, but their mind is. And that’s not any less serious than any other illness. This negative stigma towards mental illness has got to rectified. PEOPLE NEED TO CHANGE. Get over your ignorant beliefs that mental illnesses are just an excuse to be whiny or an attention-seeking thing. They’re not. They’re serious and should be taken that way. So many people need help and they can’t get it because of this problem. Something needs to be done. This is getting out of hand.

 
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Posted by on March 25, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Reaching Out For Help


I’ve been trying so hard to separate work life, and my Bipolar Affective Disorder, and I am learning quickly that it’s not an easy task to do, and I am just so confused on what my next step should be. I am wondering, or more so debating whether I should talk to my manager who is so sincere and nice, and just tell her my situation, in hopes of preventing being fired, due to lashing out, or not being as productive. I am a hard worker, and my manager has already told me this. Tomorrow will be my seventh shift at Target. So I am still a new employee. I had to take myself off Mirtazapine, just so I could wake up for the early morning shifts, and now I am experiencing the repercussions of doing just that. I need help, or more so advice. Please comment in the comment area. Thank you all!!

This is something I posted today, and just am really concerned with my life.

This is something I posted today, and just am really concerned with my life.

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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I Still Love You


Hello, lovely.

So, you relapsed, huh? You hate yourself for it, don’t you? You think you’re a failure, that your worthless and incapable of recovery, right? You’ve probably got tears streaming down your face as you let your mind torture yourself a little more because you think you deserve the added pain, but you and I both know deep down that you do NOT deserve the added insults. I’m not here to preach about how it gets better, and everything happens for a reason. How could emotional agony happen for a reason? No reason is a good reason for someone to be in so much pain. Period. I’m not here to scrape you off the ground, cover your wounds and send you on your way. How many times have people done that for you and you end up falling back down before you even reach the end of the street? One too many.

I am here to sit with you for as long as you need. I’m here to listen. Tell me, where did you get that scar above your left eye? How many times did you fail at riding your big girl bike before you finally mastered it? What do you listen to when you are sad? Tell me everything. Talk, talk, talk, talk. I don’t mind. What was it like growing up watching your parents fight and hit each other? How did you feel when that boy pushed you down in 4th grade and called you names? Tell me where it hurts. Let’s count your scars etched into your skin. Each one of them are proof that you survived a battle. You got 83 scars? That’s 83 battles in which you lived to see the next day. How many panic attacks did you have in school today? Was it hard? What helps you calm down and breathe again? Every time you talk yourself out of an attack, is one more time in which you were your own hero.

How many times did you write that last goodbye letter? Did your hands shake and did your tears smear your words? Did you tell anyone that you were going to end it all? Were you happy when you woke up the next morning? Or did you instantly want to try again the next chance you got? I’m all ears. I won’t judge you, or think you’re crazy. If it helps, I’ll just sit there silently and won’t breathe a word. Tell me, what does it feel like when you think that killing yourself is the only option left? Does taking your last breath scare you enough to want to hang on another day? Or does your body fill with a dark relief that within the next seconds, hours, weeks or days you’ll finally be free of your pain? I’m here. You are not alone. Please, don’t kill yourself tonight.

I’ve been where you are. I am where you are. You are not weak, you are the strongest little soldier I have ever seen. How tiring it must be to carry these wounds and stories around with you. How sickening it must be to see how people judge you before even knowing what you’ve endured. How devastating it must be to relapse after being clean for nearly a year — It’s okay. How many times did you fall when you were learning to walk? How many times did you fail when you tried to learn to whistle? Or, how long did it take you to learn to write in cursive? Recovery is the same exact thing. So, you relapsed. You fell flat on your face. You spit saliva in your best friend’s face because you sucked at whistling. You wrote sloppy for weeks or even months until you finally learned to curve your letters properly. It’s okay. You tried. You’re trying and that is ALL that matters, sweetie. I’m here and I still love you. Don’t give up just yet. Your break through is coming.

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Giving Up On Recovery?


We all deal with the feeling of wanting to give up on recovery. The process takes a long time and we think that we’ll never get there. So we find ourselves wanting to just throw in the towel. We find ourselves wanting to go back to our destructive selves again because that seems easier than getting better. I know I’ve found myself wanting to go back to being destructive recently, and this time, be even more destructive. I felt that if I’m not making any progress towards getting better, then I was just going to have fun destroying myself because I need something to help suppress this pain I can’t seem to escape. This pain is deep within my soul tearing me apart every time I become aware of it again. You try to run from it, but you can’t. Your demons and the pain you feel deep within you tackles you repeatedly. You try to recover but you make no headway. You’re really trying, yet you see no progress. So, you figure…why not just give up? What’s the point in getting better anyways? You find comfort in destroying yourself so why not continue living this way? The thing is, that’s your demons talking and telling you these lies. They are constantly trying to convince you that you aren’t worth recovering. But you are. Living a life filled with pain and turning to destructive things to cope isn’t a life at all. It’s hardly a life. You spend your days just trying to make it through each day. Life isn’t meant to be lived like that. You’re young, you have an entire life ahead of you. Don’t spend your days praying for death to come to you. When it’s your time to leave this earth, you will. Until then, you should be living your life to it’s fullest. 🙂

 
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Posted by on February 17, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Hiding Behind a Wall of Perfection

Hiding Behind a Wall of Perfection

It’s never easy to keep it together all the time. The expected notion of staying calm and pretending like nothing is bothersome. Well, NEWSFLASH! It’s not working. This is an area in which I like to call hiding behind a wall of perfection. Have you ever had a friend, coworker, or even a family member ask you what’s wrong? Did you truly believe that they REALLY, 100% wanted to actually know what was wrong with you? There are some odds betting that they really did not want to hear it. It’s human nature to ask a person, who in our terms isn’t their normal self, the question of what’s going on. As you are trying to hold onto that wall of perfection, you start to lose grip, and reality begins to hit. Deep down inside of you, somewhere, is a broken soul. So damaged beyond repair. You walk around with your heart on your shoulder, presenting this tough interior, when really, you’re about to collapse, and fall really hard. Emotions are tricky, and a lot of what we do, we tie our emotions into it. You might think that without your emotions, you won’t have to feel the pain. As it is true, it is also true that you won’t feel the good times. Your Doctor, Therapist, and even your Parents, they don’t understand. No matter how hard you try to express your pain, they can’t. For one simple reason: It’s your journey. You’re the one that’s supposed to understand. I could go on and on about how great life is, which it is, but I want to stress the importance of the pain you must deal with, as for it creates who you are. Trust me, I’ve been there, and to this day, will still find myself there at times. But let me tell you this: Life is a gift. How you choose to use it is up to you.

 
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Posted by on February 12, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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[Video] Toward a New Understanding of Mental Illness


Today, thanks to better early detection, there are 63% fewer deaths from heart disease than there were just a few decades ago. Thomas Insel, Director of the National Institute of Mental Health, wonders: Could we do the same for depression and schizophrenia? The first step in this new avenue of research, he says, is a crucial reframing: for us to stop thinking about “mental disorders” and start understanding them as “brain disorders.” (Filmed at TEDxCaltech.)

 
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Posted by on February 6, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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